Dear Twenty Something Year Old

March 4, 2015

Dear Twenty Something Year Old,

If I could peg a word to my early 20's it would be INTENSE.  For the first time in my life I fell big big time for a boy.  I was pressuring myself to finish college quickly, get into graduate school, excel, plan, prepare and so on.   I would flip out if the slightest thing didn't go well convinced it was going to ruin my life.   Like everyone else I was really excited to become 21. After 21, though, things seemed to be getting real and getting scary.   

Around 22 or 23 years old my world felt turned upside down.  I was single and alone.  I was making way different choices than I'd ever made in my life. I was starting to see things from a different perspective than I may have been taught as a child.  I guess I can best say I felt like I was jumping off a giant cliff into the unknown sea of big girl life.

I'd spent years dreaming of my teaching/counseling career, getting my education, dating someone, dreaming about my future family.  As I faced graduation, rather than sing from the roof tops I felt a bit more like throwing up on my shoes.  Scared to freaking death! 

Where should I live? Will I EVER get married? Will I ever date again?  Will I get a job? How the freaking heck do you figure out stuff like health insurance, rent, car insurance and so on? Uh oh, how did I manage to run up my credit card?  Will I be able to get it paid off?

*****

First came my job (thank goodness). I marched into my job with my shiny new degree, big big bright ideas, all kinds of great skills, education and confidence.  That all lasted me about a minute.  I was no doubt a baby girl in the big big world.  I felt in over my head with work managing money, maintaining my physical health.   And I was still single.   So I treaded water and watched all the older experienced people amaze me with their "I know what I am doing skills."   I made stupid stupid rookie mistakes that year.

I can't help but think an early 20's girl (or at least me) is a bit too proud to say, "wow I have no idea what I am doing!"  My first year of work was ok-ish/small disaster scale.   I felt mostly like an idiot and total failure. If sucking my thumb was a socially accepted option, I would have probably done it for a few months the summer after my first year working at school.  Luckily they let me come back.   

Twenty five years old was a turning point for me.  I decided I needed to tidy up some things in my personal life and start settling down a bit.  I wanted to meet someone I may be with for a lifetime.

I ended up marrying at 26.  The rest of my 2o's were spent adapting to a career, marriage and trying to figure out who the heck I was as a big girl.  I had to do a little back tracking on some past issues with my family through therapy.  I'm really glad I spent some time getting to know myself and my past.   My inner child did some necessary healing during my 20's.  I had some fun rounding out my 20's.  

I couldn't figure out how to make and achieve goals.   In my 20's I overshot goals.  Then I'd feel bummed I wasn't meeting my REALLY LONG LIST OF GOALS.  I couldn't get used to the possibility of failure. I also didn't feel comfortable in my own skin and started to feel pressure about turning 30.

If could lend you a bit of advice my dear 20's friend I'd say......First off don't sweat turning 30.   It's really a better decade in your development.  You're going to feel a lot better in your own skin by the time you are 35.  So don't dread turning 30! Life won't be perfect in your 30's because life just never is, but you're going to get some relief from the torture of the twenties.

Give yourself time and seek mentors.  I have been so blessed by older women helping me find my way.  Seek wise women out and let them help you grow.  Ask them specific questions about surviving adulthood.  Don't be afraid to admit your fear, anxiety or neediness.  We've most likely all been there too!  Most older women really want to help younger women.

But caution, there are some women who hate the young 20's women.  These gals feel threatened by your youth, hopeful spirit and lack of need for botox.   You'll know this women because they'll mostly say negative/crappy things that make you feel belittled.  Try your best to avoid them and cling to your mentors and wise women.  Know that what they say to you is more about their insecurity than anything about you.  

Also, go easy on people.  I screwed  up some relationships by being self centered.  I regret not handling some friendships and situations differently.  Before blasting them for how they have "wronged" you, take time to see what's happening in their life.  This will go a long way.

I wish you all the love, peace and happiness in the world my dear 20's friend.  You will make it, I do promise you this!  Learn the art of loving and knowing yourself during your 20's.  Relax, work, have fun.  Heal as needed.  You're doing great!

Oh and let me not forget to thank you for how you keep me current on trends and inspire me daily with your hope and enthusiasm! This brings beauty and balance to my life! Keeps me fresh and relevant! 

Sincerely,

Christy