Dear New Mom

This next letter is written by one of my best friends.  It's simply perfect.  Every mother should get this letter in her hospital/birthing center/home birth welcome packet.  Bravo!  I'm thankful to this friend for helping me navigate motherhood.  She used her wisdom and experience to be my side when I needed my friends the most. 

*****

Dear New Mom,

You're tired, you're dirty, your mind just isn't quite right, but you're so filled with love and joy you think your heart will explode.  There is no time in your life quite like this. It's special, tender, but sometimes dark, scary, and intense.  Every moment isn't the perfect way you had imagined it.  People are judging you.  You are judging you.  You do things you swore you would NEVER! do and then you beat yourself up for it.  You would never have a medicated birth, be induced, or have a c-section, you would never forget about your dog, you would never co-sleep with your baby, you would never let your baby cry-it-out, you would never give your baby a bottle or a paci or formula or let them be depended on your breast.  You would never want to pull your hair out when the little one didn't (EVER!) take a nap or when they FINALLY did you would never just sit, idle, doing nothing.  You were going to read books, magazines, cook and freeze food ahead, get back in shape, have dinner on the table every night, accomplish a to-do list a mile long on your maternity leave.  But, instead you managed to brush your teeth and take a shower some days and some days you didn't.  Some days you really made a go of it and went to Target and wandered around aimlessly for hours while the baby slept.  It's fucking hard! And NO ONE tells you that! 

Believe it or not new mom, it gets better.  I know, I know, it seems like it never will. And people say that to you and you just want to smack them.  What do they know?!?!  You will grow into your new role, you will learn to give yourself a break. You will learn to go with your gut and do what feels right for you and your family.  Co-sleep and breastfeed until they're 5 - GO FOR IT! Formula feed and sleep train - HAVE AT IT!  In order to maintain your sanity you have to do what you feel is right in your gut.  People will judge you no matter what your choices, but there is no one in the world who is a more perfect mother for your baby.  Do what feels right.  Don't let ANY ONE pressure you (even your husband).  Believe in yourself and your ability to love and nurture your baby better than anyone else. Love on your baby, try to enjoy it, and if you don't find someone who will commiserate with you or get help from a professional (don't be too proud).  Muddle through, because motherhood and children are ever changing.  It is an evolution of a relationship.  Most relationships don't start out as love at first sight, head over heels infatuation.  Most loves grow slowly over time as you get to know one another.  Your relationship with your child is no exception.

Most importantly know that we've all been there.  Find someone you can talk to about your struggles.  Let someone just listen to you.  You're going to be an amazing mom!  

All my love,

A mamma who has lived and learned